The last loaf of bread
Well the Close Of Service conference is over and I am closing up shop here. Just so you know I am officially finishing my service November 12 and traveling to New Zealand for a few weeks. I will be back in Tonga for the last day of school with my students and then back to America mid December.
As of now I have just started my freak out process. This happens every time I move or have a big change so in a way I knew this was coming. I just had my COS physical and there were all sorts of questions about anxiety, depression and insomnia. I answered truthfully and I have experienced all of these, but not to worry the doctor agreed it is all completely normal. I am starting to see it in other volunteers too. Those who are the most laid back are suddenly testy and irritable as am I at times. I spent an hour this morning crying uncontrollably but the hardest part is I am having all emotions. I am exited to go to NZ but sad to leave my village. I am happy to spend the holidays with family, but sad to miss the festivities here. It is hard here, but readjustment will make it hard there too. AHHHHHH.
I keep thinking of lasts. I have definitely bought my last bottle of shampoo and my last dish sponge here in Tonga. It is possible that I have eaten my last eggplant and BBQ, but one can’t be to sure. Just because I probably won’t need a new toothbrush or tank of gas for my stove doesn’t mean I am almost out the door though right? So I always bring it back to bread. No matter what I haven’t bought the last loaf of bread yet. It is just a matter of perspective but sometimes baby steps are what we need to make it through the day. I am still here, still just livin’ though finishing, packing, sorting and cleaning have become my main activities. As with everything this is hard, fluid, stressful, wonderful, horrid, unthinkable, happening, joyous, adventurous, tiring but most of all it is time. To those who I will see shortly, I am truly exited. To those I won’t see for some time, I will miss until then. To all, I love you. Peace